Khayaali Pulao

Just thought of this:Had Arundhati Roy been a dude, would she ever call her book "The God of Small Things"....

Original Julka Chess Jokes

Q)In chess, what do you call a queen who's having an affair with her knight?

Ans:A Knight-Rider

Q)What is Vishwanathan Anand's strategy while pursuing females?

Ans:Check(out) n mate!

....so until next time....I m checkin out,n mating(hopefully!)

Holy Shit!

Warning:If you are of the 'pious'/tight ass variety, I would suggest not going further.You have been warned!

Hello everyone, and welcome to the cosmic marketplace. Today I shall enlighten you on our bestseller product, 'The Big G'.

Since Big Gs are in such a huge demand everywhere, licenses for production were given to different companies, and needless to say competition breeds innovation. Today Gs come in more forms than ever before, and the mind boggling variety can be confusing for anyone. Hence, for your convenience, I shall take the various models one by one

First in the queue, we have company 'H'. Company H was founded 3500 years ago by nobody.It is quite a unique firm, offering 33 million variations(and counting) of their flagship product.Their Gs come in all shapes and sizes, and can often be custom built from scratch. The company is administered by 'Pun'dits, known for their acidic wit, especially towards customers belonging to the 'Shoodra' category, whom they generally shoo away. The firm has a flexible bad debts policy, and a person can write off a bad loan by taking a bath in the 'panga' river, named so because taking a bath in it's 'pristine industrial waters' often amounts to taking a 'panga'.Customers follow the policy of 'karMa', inspired by Deewar's famous dialogue "Mere paas Ma Hai!".

Moving on to our second company, we have the firm 'I', founded by some fellow called 'Mo'. The company has labelled their product as 'A', which stands for awesome!, which is to be spoken in a Barney Stinson accent. The company has been mired in some controvery these days, owing to the behaviour of their 'WahaB' division, which insists in killing customers of other firms known as 'InfyDels', who are nothing but employees of Infosys and Dell.They also kill some of their own followers called 'Shee-a' who they think are much too effeminate.When happy, the WahaB s sing their anthem "Oh Sama!" which invigorates them instantly. On the bright side, customers of I are promised equal treatment and provision for charity are provided. Followers are also adept at arts and crafts, which brings them a lot of fame.Initially the company faced some issues of synchronisation of 'A' with products of other firms, but the issue has been since resolved after the introduction of the 'Sufi' upgrade.

Now we come to a much smaller group known as 'Judes' (Inspired from the Beatles' hit single "Hey Jude!"). Although they are a small scale company, they have made their mark in the financial world. The company ran into some trouble in the 1930's when a madcap known as 'Shitler' nearly succedded in destroying them. However the Judes have since resurged and are now quite influential and powerful. The Judes ran into some land ownership issues when they usurped the land of the 'Palace Teens' and the two have been fighting ever since. Luckily, they have an Uncle Sam who helps them regularly by shutting up anyone who shouts "Human Rights!".

Moving on to the biggest behemoth of them all, 'The Big C'. Big C was founded by this dude known as 'J C' (not related to Jay Z) who was kind and tolerant but that 'crossed' some people who then tried to 'nail him'. The effort was a failure and soon Big C was up and running in three days.These days the organization is headed by a fellow who calls himself 'Pope', because he acts like a 'popat'(parrot).The "Pope' claims that the world started at 'Eden Gardens', Calcutta about 5000 years ago on the eve of an India Pakistan match.Anyone who opposes this is sent to 'hell' like 'Gaalileo', who was given a lot of 'Gaalis' by the pope.The company also runs a daemon process called 'Satan' in the background but it's checked by the firms very own antivirus software, iGod.

Besides these biggies,we also have smaller firms 'Sickism' and 'Duddism'. Sickism was founded by people who were sick of the products of 'H' and 'I'.Followers of sickism call themselves 'Seekhs', out of their love for seekh kebabs.Seekhs are also fond of dancing and that explains their motto "Wahe Guru Ji Da Salsa,Wahe Guru ji di Fateh".Dudism was founded in India, got exported to China who then eventually put an embargo on it. Customers of Duddism are often confused since they expect their product 'Big G' but are only delivered a bunch of CDs by this band called 'Nirvana'.Followers often become the victims of road accidents since they are supposed to walk on the 'middle path'.

Lastly, there is the new startup called 'Messrs A-Theests and Egg-Nostics'.They are given this title because they like to throw eggs on the customers of every other firm.Critics claim this new venture is a farce because A-Theest sells a product which is nothing but an empty box,with no Big G inside while egg nostics never keep their eggs in one basket.Egg Nostics also confuse their customers by saying the Big G might be there in the box, or it might not be.

So to sum it up, this is all there is to this big bazaar.If you thought I was poking fun at your choices, you are absolutely right! Any inappropriateness is seriously unregretted!

Just a thought...

"A pen is mightier than a sword"....just imagine if someone forgets to put the space between 'pen' and 'is'....

Gardish

The earth about the sun,

The Sun about the galaxy,

The galaxy about the unseen.

A cosmic dance of the lovers,

Unfolding before my eyes.

Look up there,

A thousand majnuns are blazing in the night

With unceasing frenzy,

In search of what isn't there...

There is nothing around here but,

A thousand moths fluttering about a black flame

Superheroes

So here's a my analytical analysis of our superheroes

Superman

Pros:

Can fly anywhere

Extreme strength

escape outlet for guys with boring jobs

Cons:

terrible fashion sense

can't pee without an elaborate undressing ritual

Wardrobe can be used to wipe mucus

Spiderman

Pros:

Geek turned superhero:extremely relate-able

better fashion sense than superman

Cons:

Won't be effective in rural areas due to lack of tall structures...what's he going to stick himself to,buffaloes?

Bad luck with the chics

Batman

Pros:

Cool Gadgets

Rich

Cons:

I think he's gay(I mean, he chose Robin as his sidekick when he could have had any hot chic....definitely raises some eyebrows!)

Is only cool at night

Chacha Chaudhary

Pros:

Chacha chaudhary ka dimagh computer se bhi zyaada tez chalta hai

Saabu

Rocket,the kutta...

uber cool desi attire

Cons:

chachi isnt that hot

no underwear over pants...wont sell in america!

And the winner is.........................drums...............other instruments..................

Shaktimaan

Pros:

Desi

Melodrama&Valour:all in one,he s the complete package

Cons

Desi

Melodrama

Graphics

Very preachy

I think the lack of chics points towards his gayness.....

"Sorry Shaktimaan"

And now for the women

Catwoman

Pros:

Sexy

Cons:

A cat ate my rabbit...hence have my reservations

Pamela Anderson

Pros:

Ahem,...Ahem

Lifesaver

Cons:

Only works at the beach

And the winner is......

Neema Sandal Girl,for her winning catch phrase:

"main hoon neema sandal girl,neema sandal girl....21st century girl....mera hai yeh saara world....neema sandal girl"....ad featuring preeti jhangiani(puke puke!)

P.S.I forgot Captain Planet,but he's just too sad...

Naqsh Faryadi!

Hi,

You may have noticed that I ve changed my blog title to 'Naqsh Faryadi' and I presume that most of you would be wondering,why?

Well,'Naqsh faryadi' is an allusion to the first verse of ghalib's urdu diwan

Naqsh faryadi hai kis ki shokhi-e-tehreer ka,
Kaghazi hai pairhan har paikar-e-tasveer ka

I m sure that raised more questions than answers!...Here's the translation & the explanation...

Translation:

Against whose playful writings are the words complainants?
Made of paper attire is the countenance of every image

Well,the two key words are 'naqsh' and 'faryadi'.Naqsh means 'words'/inscriptions and 'faryadi' means a plaintiff/complainant.So it's the words who are complaining against the nature of this universe,asking why was it created in such a mischievous fashion.And that sums up the very essence of this 'blog'.....

If you want a detailed explanation of this hauntingly beautiful verse,i suggest
visiting Fran Pritchett's link....it'll be worth the effort